Boundaries in Marriage

Ephesians 5:21 :: 21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

 Ephesians 4:15 :: 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Sidenote: All scriptures are in Today’s New International Version [TNIV]

Boundaries are where one thing ends and another thing begins.
Each person in a relationship needs to be respected for who they truly are

When we do not set boundaries, we end up violating one another in some way…

….selfishness can enter the relationship, and even abuse can set in.

However, when you set boundaries, you take ownership of what you do as a person in the partnership.
Boundaries are meant to change you and to help you adjust to being with the person.

They are not for the other person but they are for you. because at the end of the day- you can only control wat you do not what the other person does. With your words. words can tell you alot of things about a person. they can tell you a persons mood, their likes, their dislikes, and their wants

So, How Do I Set These “Boundaries” ???

 

** You set boundaries with the truth of Gods Word, such as : love one another, do not lie, do not commit adultery, forgive one another…etc..
** You also set boundaries with consequences

** Early on, you need to address issues. you have to make it clear that you will not tolerate a certain behavior or that someone did something to offend you.

** If you reward an unpleasing behavior – don’t expect it to go away or to solve itself.  It’s up to you to address it, work on it, and move past it once it has been handled effectively by both people.

Principles For Healthy Relationships and Marriages

1. Sowing and Reaping

Galatians 6:7 :: 7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. People reap what they sow.

If you sow love and responsibility into someones life – chances are, they will get closer to you.

Example: If a husband shows that he appreciates his wife by doing little things to make her happy, like buying flowers, listening to her, making creative efforts to win her heart over again, and romancing her – she will naturally be attracted to him and draw close to him but when you have unloving selfish behavior, spouses will naturally grow distant from one another.

Kindness attracts people. No one has the power to impact your partners heart more than you. If you value them intensely, their words and behaviors can really leave an impression on you.

Example:  If you are having a really crappy day and your partner says “you are my hero ” or something sweet – she has an ability to make that day turn from bad to good….which is a power that many people do not have in your life.

Do not play the blame game. The blame game stretches all the way back to Adam and Eve. You must invest in your partner!! The things that you do from the beginning will eventually play out. So invest kindness, your time, patience, love, care, understanding…. it will be worth it.

2. Power

The more you try to change someone, the more they rebel. Use your power in a relationship to change yourself and to grow with one another. In a good healthy relationship, you will even grow from the negative things that happen!

3. Respect

If you want someone to respect your boundaries, then respect theirs,  because ultimately, respect fosters love 🙂 Kill that “I can do whatever I want” attitude….. NO you can not do whatever you want –> you are accountable to someone else. Remember, “I” becomes “We”. l love can’t happen when there is no freedom to choose.

Example: God gave us free will for a reason. If He made us all worship Him, it would not be love. It is when we decide to worship God, that our worship turns into love.

Same principle applies into marriage! If you make your partner do something they don’t want to do, you will slowly lose their heart

Example: My Pastor loves sports. His wife… not so much BUT she will watch it with him not because she loves sports but because she loves him and she knows that’s what makes him happy. In return, he will sit and watch American Idol with her. He’s not a fan of these talent shows but he’ll do it because it makes her happy 🙂

4. Fear

Our choices need to be based on love, not fears. Get rid of your fears, they can turn you into bad things – such as making you feel like u are a guilty person, or that you will lose approval of people. Fear can really hinder you so kick it out of your relationships and marriages!

Some FAQ’s :

Person: Pastor, what advice do you give two young adults who are courting ?

Pastor: No sex! Leave that for marriage. Even when you are engaged and you have the ring on, you need the second ring to finalize the fact that you two are now one. So …no sex.

Person: Can a person get a divorce if their spouse committed adultery?

Pastor: Take divorce out of your head. You should never enter a marriage with that idea in your head that if things get really rough – you are going to divorce the person. That’s not an alternative to dealing with the issues in marriage. Unless the reasons are life threatening, divorce should not be the “go to option”. The sad fact is that the percentage of christian marriages ending in divorce is about the same percentage of non-christians. In any event, pray and seek God for your marriage, forgive the person, and work together to overcome the issue. So get in it, to win it. Marriage is a good thing if you make it that way 🙂

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